🚨🚨🎉 ATTENTION ALL APPLE WATCH WARRIORS 🎉🚨🚨 Listen up, fam! If you thought your Apple Watch was just a fancy timepiece that tells you how late you are to that never-ending Zoom call, THINK AGAIN! ⌚🔥 We got 9 hidden health features that’ll make you feel like Tony Stark while holding a protein shake! 💪💥 But before we unleash this glorious chaos, let’s spill some “leaked” tea from our boy, Dr. Lauren Cheung over at Apple HQ: “Honestly, people only use their watches to flex on Instagram and ask Siri to call their moms. #sad” 😭💔 **Here’s how to level up your health game, no cap:** 1. **Mindfulness Reminders:** Siri saying, “Breathe, homie, you’re about to lose it” is way better than your therapist! 🌬️😂 2. **Noise Monitoring:** You ever thought about what’s louder than your ex's excuses? Your environment! This feature will keep you sane in the chaotic world. 🤯 3. **Cycle Tracking:** For all my queen bees out there, keep tabs on your monthly rollercoaster! 👑🌊 Use these features like they’re Oprah giving out cars! 🚗💨 🔥🔥🔥 HERE’S YOUR UNHINGED HOT TAKE: Within the next year, Apple will unleash a SURVEILLANCE DRONE that monitors your health 24/7! It’ll be like, “Hey buddy, did you really need that fourth slice of pizza?” 💀🍕 Share this with your squad and let the Apple Watch revolution commence! 🚀🥳 #Stonks #HealthKingdom