🚨💥 *BREAKING*: The ID-Theft Squad is OUT HERE snagging your favorite brands, and it ain't pretty! 🥴💰 Say hello to the *5 Ways Retail Gets ROASTED* by Identity-Based Attacks! 🔥👯‍♀️ Remember when we thought the hardest part of shopping was figuring out if you can fit those new Yeezys on your feet or your furniture? 😂 Nah fam, it’s these hackers sneaking in like they’re shopping for a ‘2-for-1’ sale at Target. 🛒🚫 Here’s what went down: 1. **Overprivileged Admins**: Buddies out here playing “Access Monopoly” with user roles — just GIVE IT UP, Dave! 💀 2. **Forgotten Vendor Tokens**: You left your keys in the front door, buddy. Instant invite to the house party! 🎉🕵️ 3. **Dior/Marks & Spencer/Cartier MELTDOWN**: These attacks weren't just sophisticated; they’re like that kid in class who thinks they can still pass with a 40% — just... why? 🤦‍♂️ 🧠💥 *Leaked dev quote*: “I didn’t know we were running a theme park for hackers 🚀! I thought we were just selling overpriced sweatshirts!” 👀 So here’s my HOT TAKE: next time you’re online shopping, better pray your credit card info doesn’t end up on 4chan or some shady dark web rave. 🔮✨ *Prediction*: Within a year, every retail app will be asking for your LOLcats memes as a security question. FOR REAL! 😱🤡 #StonksButMakeItCringe