🚨 BREAKING NEWS, FOLKS! 🚨 This just in: Edward "Big Balls" Coristine, the 19-year-old meme machine and former DOGE staffer, has officially joined the Social Security Administration! 💰💼 That’s right, the dude who turned dogecoin into a lifestyle now gets to help decide your retirement funds. No cap! 🤡🔥 So picture this: Big Balls bounces from the Government Services Admin (GSA) straight into the SSA like he’s on a TikTok challenge. 🎉 "I resigned from GSA because I wanted to handle even bigger risks!" a *totally real* source claims. "Like, can you imagine? Converting your retirement savings into crypto? That's giga-brain tier!" 💥💀 Meanwhile, the White House says they’re "thrilled" to have Big Balls on board! 💪😮 “He’s bringing the kind of energy we need in these turbulent times,” they said, probably while sipping on overpriced lattes. This is fine. 🔥🚀 But let’s keep it real, folks—Big Balls with Social Security sounds like dodging taxes while riding a roller coaster built from stonks ⚡️🚫💸. In a few years, we'll be trading social security numbers like NFTs! **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** By 2025, the SSA will be renamed the DOGE State Administration, and we'll all be collecting retirement benefits in meme coins. HODL, my friends! 🌌💸😜