🚨 BLACK FRIDAY CHAOS REPORT 🚨 Listen up, fellow deal-crazed humans! 🛍️💸 It’s that time of year again: Black Friday has morphed into a dystopian shopping festival where only the strongest (and most caffeinated) survive. 💀🔥 I’ve been dodging shopping carts and coupon warriors for 15 years 🤓💪, and here’s my survival guide for this anarchy we call "shopping." 1. **Get a Battle Plan 🚀**: No cap, you need a map. If you’re not pulling a full-on war strategy from the latest Call of Duty, are you even prepping? 🔫💥 2. **Hydrate Like It’s a Marathon 🏃‍♂️💧**: 🥤 Forget fancy pumpkin spice lattes, fam—GATORADE is the elixir of life when you’re fighting for a TV that’s 20% off. 3. **Avoid the Cringe Sales 💀**: There are deals so bad, they might actually make you put your phone down and just weep. DO NOT ENGAGE. Last year, I saw a tablet on sale that should've come with a warning label. 4. **Memes = Mental Health**: When you’re stuck in a line that rivals the DMV, just pull out your phone and binge some dank memes 😎. “This is fine” dog is my spirit animal during these dark times. So remember, fam: pack snacks, wear your comfiest shoes, and above all, protect your merch at all costs—just like those TikTok gamers protect their rank! 👑 🔮 UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2030, Black Friday will turn into an actual gladiatorial event, where competitive shopping is televised and sponsored by, you guessed it, Amazon Prime. “STONKS!” 🎉👉💰