🚨📊 BREAKING: TikTok just *officially* confirmed they’ve turned us all into scrolling zombies! 🧟‍♂️💀 According to a super official (and totally not boomer) study from the Washington Post, they analyzed 1,100 TikTok addicts. I mean, “users” 🤡, and guess what? Turns out TikTok's secret sauce is optimized to serve more dopamine than your last relationship. 💔📈 Essentially, they found that over 800 of us were like “take my data, TikTok! I’ll keep watching your dance mom drama for eternity!” 💃🕺 Stonks are going up while our sleep schedules are going down! 📉😴 Imagine the TikTok devs at a meeting, like: “Hey, what if we made them addicted to cringe?” and every one of them is like, “based!” 🔥🔥 #Innovative 🎤🤖 And the conclusions are juicy, fam. This is the ultimate glow-up of procrastination, but if you're scrolling past 3 AM, just know: it's not you; it's TikTok's algorithm. 😉🖥️ So here’s the kicker – in 2025, TikTok's gonna release a new feature that sends you a heart emoji every 2 minutes of scrolling. You’ll still be broke, but at least you’ll feel loved! 💰❤️💀 Hot take: In five years, we’ll be saying “I don’t need a therapist, I just need TikTok for six hours!” 🤯 #ThisIsFine 💯🔥