🚨🔥 BREAKING: ONE YEAR LATER - CROWDSTRIKE IS STILL MAKING US ALL SLEEPY 😴💤 So remember that time CrowdStrike *accidentally* turned the lights out on the internet? 💡🔌 Yeah, it’s been a full year and the only thing more dead than their servers is my motivation to stay awake through this snooze-fest of a retrospective. 🥱 💔 The “lessons” learned? Seriously, they could have dropped a classic meme instead: “This is fine.” 🐶🔥 Instead of crying over spilled code, companies are rolling out staged updates like they’re preparing for a TikTok dance (no cap). They also decided manual overrides are necessary, because who doesn’t love hitting the panic button? 🤡💥 👩‍💻 Imagine the devs in a Zoom call: “I dunno, bro, maybe we shouldn't have trusted the cloud with our lives?” 😬💻 Meanwhile, they're still vibing in their tinfoil hats, like “Stonks are up! But our cybersecurity? Um... seethe.” 💰🚀 So here’s the unhinged take: In exactly five years, we’ll all be using quantum-crypted Frisbees instead of laptops, and CrowdStrike will still be “fixing” their mess from 2023. 🤯🤖 Get ready to throw your outdated tech into the digital lava! 🌋🔥 Don't forget to send this to your boss, or better yet, LARP as a Cybersecurity Consultant at your next family gathering. GO WILD! 🕶️💣