🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Xbox President Sarah Bond just dropped a bombshell and it’s more explosive than your mom’s cooking! 💥💀 The next-gen Xbox is apparently gonna be a “premium, high-powered device”! (Thanks, Captain Obvious! 🥱) Ready your wallets, gamers, because it sounds like we’re about to be BLESSED with a gaming machine that’ll run faster than your ex when they see you with someone new! 🤡💨 💲💲 So what does "premium" mean? Are we talking about an Xbox that finally responds to your love and affection or just one that’ll make your VR headset look like a potato? 🥔👀 Let's hope it's not just shiny paint and a $100 price hike, fam. NO CAP! 😤 In a leaked convo (🔒😮), one developer sneered, "At this rate, we should just call it 'Xbox: Pay Up or Get Left Behind'." Honestly, let’s just skip to the part where they sell the console with a side of monthly subscriptions and free Trials of your evergreen anxiety. 🎭🤯 🔥🔥 Unhinged prediction: The next Xbox console will come pre-installed with a guilt-tracking app that reminds you how much money you spent on microtransactions during the last pandemic. This is fine. 🚀 #Xbox #NextGen #Stonks #Cringe #DrakePointing