🚨BREAKING NEWS: X (formerly known as Where Memes Go to Die) is now becoming the eBay of dead usernames! 💀👾💸 That's right, fam! X is launching a *Handles Marketplace* 🏪 where your grandma's old Twitter handle can be sold for the price of your future sanity—only if you can shell out the dough to become a Premium user. 🤡💳 You know what that means? Stonks for the influencers and a fat L for everyone else! 🤦‍♂️💔 Picture this: You could finally buy @DogeMaster69420 from someone who hasn’t tweeted since the age of dinosaurs (or 2012, who can tell anymore?) and score those sweet, sweet bragging rights. 😎🔥 “Oh, you’re still using @IamNotABot1985? Sorry fam, I just dropped TOP DOLLAR on @ElonMusk'sToiletSeat. Watch your cozzie!” (leaked convo probably happening right now) 💬 But wait, hold up! Will the real usernames now be considered “complimentary”? AKA “You get what you pay for”—which is a big fat nothing. 😂🤷‍♂️ Honestly, could X be any more cringe? 🙈 Prepare to cope while watching the galaxy brain moves of influencers trying to flex their new handles like they’re NFTs! 🎨🚀 🔥HOT TAKE: In 2024, usernames will be traded like crypto, and we'll all be sitting in our moms’ basements, wishing we had registered @BigBrainEnergy1988 when we had the chance! 💥👽 So, like it or not, get ready to roll some dice on who owns the coolest handle because #TwitterIsNowAnAuctionHouse! 🤑💥🚀