🚨 BREAKING: Sam Altman & Jony Ive cooking up an AI “friend” that’s NOT your emotional support robot! 🤖💔 *No one asked for a fancier Siri, fam* 😩🔥 According to the latest tea from *the Financial Times*—aka the gossip column for tech bros—we’re looking at a mysterious palm-sized gadget that’s ALSO the size of your hopes and dreams! It’s got microphones, speakers, and more cameras than your ex on Instagram! Say goodbye to your weird AI girlfriend; this baby is supposed to be your *“just a bro who knows your fave memes”* assistant instead! 🤡✨ Sources say developers are vibing on making this device chat with you but are still deciding how much to chat…like “bro, do I want my gadget to talk like it’s at a party or just chill like it’s at home?” 💀💬 🔍 "Yo, should we make it know when I want silence or just let it chirp like a toddler on a sugar rush?" one dev allegedly said, probably right before he realized he forgot to set his alarm clock. So watch out! This line of gadgets is coming to a table (or your nightmares) near you—target release? Late 2024! 🚀💸 *But real talk, are we ready for AI that knows too much about us?* 🤔💥 Hot take: In 5 years, robots will be your new best friends while humans are stuck on Wi-Fi dating apps crying into their screens. *Get those tissues ready, fam* 💀💔 #Stonks #ThisIsFine