🔥💀 BREAKING: CNN’s All Access Service… But No CNN?! We love a classic tech move! 😂💔 So check it: CNN *clutching its pearls* just dropped its new All Access streaming service at the HEAVY price of $6.99/month or $69.99/year (stonks go *bruh*). 🤡💸 But here's the kicker—IT DOESN'T EVEN INCLUDE LIVE CNN!!! Like, can you even?! 🤦‍♂️ “Honestly, what is happening? This is fine.” — actual embattled intern at CNN, probably. 🙃💔 Let me get this straight: you pay for *exclusive* access to programming that includes… things that aren’t CNN? I’m not sure who’s more confused, the cat meme or the entire internet. 🐱💥 And wait, there’s more! Access to 1,000 hours of *something* but no live news—talk about giving us the *Netflix treatment*. I feel like Drake right now pointing at my wallet: “No thanks!” 👎💰 🔥Hot Take Alert: CNN will pivot to NFTs of their *most iconic cringe moments* next. Just you wait. 😳🚀✨ Share this wild ride with your friends because this news is the REAL tragedy we need! 🥳💥