🚨 Calling all Apple fanboys and haters alike! 🚨 Get ready for a wellness revolution that even your overpriced avocado toast can't compete with. 🍏❤️ This is *Optimizer*— a newsletter that promises to dissect gadgets better than your therapist dissects your life choices. The Apple Watch is about to drop some 🤖 new goodies at the Steve Jobs theater next Tuesday, and we need to talk about how to make this wrist-baby *less cringe* and *more based*. Here’s a hot take straight from an imaginary dev we totally didn’t just make up: "If the Apple Watch had a feature that let me roast my exes in 10 different languages, all the while reminding me to drink water... that'd be a Game Changer™." 💀💬 Now, all we need is Tim Cook swooping in like Drake, saying “NO” when someone mentions the battery life. 🤦‍♂️ Listen, Tim, I’m not asking for a time machine, just a watch that doesn’t make me cry Midday Monday! 🔥 Prediction Time: What if the next Apple Watch comes with built-in social media? Imagine tracking your heart rate AND your clout all in one device. 🤯💰 So, like for more chaos and drop your thoughts below! ⬇️ #AppleWatchIsStillWack #CopeAndSeethe