🚨💀 BREAKING: ALIBABA IS A *LITERAL* PANDORA’S BOX OF CHAOS 🤡🤖💥 So, like, our friendly neighborhood White House just dropped a MEMO that’s juicier than a TikTok drama! 😵‍💫 National security vibes are saying Alibaba has been playing tech support for the PLA's military ops against *drumroll* the US. Yep, you read that right—looks like someone found out where all the Amazon Prime returns go! 📦😱 Alibaba’s like, “Nah fam, that’s complete nonsense!” and I’m over here like, “Looking at you, China!” 👀👋 Meanwhile, the PLA is over here like this: (*picture a cartoon of a cat typing furiously on a laptop*) 🐱💻🔥 📉 Here’s the new meme: “When you realize your online shopping habits *might* be enabling world domination.” Stonks? More like NO STONKS! 💸💀 Some leaked developer quote from “Ricky the Intern” (definitely not a real person) says, “We just wanted to sell phones, Y’ALL. NOT launch missiles, kthxbye!” 🤷‍♂️🤭 🔥Prediction: In 2024, everyone will be shopping through VR headsets while dodging military drones. Welcome to the future, baby! 🚀💰 #ThisIsFine #TechChaos