🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Verizon's New Internet Plan Hits Us Like a DDoS Attack! 🚨💥 👀 You heard it here first, tech fam: Verizon is rolling out a new plan called Home Internet Lite for JUST $25/month! 😱💵 But WAIT! Before you whip out your credit card faster than a kid grabbing candy, let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that these download speeds are slower than my grandma trying to send me a meme. 💀💨 Now, hold on a sec. Let’s do some meme math: Stonks 📈 = $25, but speed = dial-up from 2005📞. So basically, it's like saying you can run a marathon but only if you're being chased by a pack of angry wolves. 🐺🔥 And check out this leak from an “anonymous” Verizon developer: “We decided that our customers needed a challenge. Who wants fast internet, anyway? 😜” Honestly, where do we sign up for that angst? 🤡 This is fine, they said. Everything is fine. 🤷‍♂️ So, if you’re feeling brave enough to move at a snail’s pace while watching Netflix buffering like it’s a 2010 throwback, then go for it! 🚀🔥 🔥 HOT TAKE: BY 2025, WE'LL ALL BE ROLLING BACK TO PIGEON POST FASTER THAN THIS PLAN CAN BUFFER! GET READY TO SEE PIGEONS WITH "VERIZON" LOGOS, FOLKS! 🕊️📦