🚨📱BREAKING: Verizon just pulled a classic CEO switcheroo and hired Dan Schulman from PayPal to lead the charge into its *“next phase.”* 🚀💰 Say goodbye to Hans Vestberg, who’s trading in his CEO title for “special advisor” 🙃, which is basically corporate code for “I’m still lurking in the shadows” 👻. But wait, it gets juicier! Vestberg dropped some truth bombs 💣 about our love affair with phones lasting over 36 months! I mean, like, who knew we were holding onto our phones longer than we keep our last relationship? 💔📱 Hold tight, the “exciting times” of yearly upgrades are now just cringe memories 🥲. Here's a leaked convo I heard: **Dan Schulman:** "So, what's our game plan?" **Verizon Exec:** "More 5G? Or just pray the competition stops being so spicy?" 🤷‍♂️ **Dan:** *sips Kool-Aid* "Stonks." 📈 With Verizon acquiring Frontier, it's like they’re trying to be the Swiss Army knife of tech. 🙌🔧 But are we really excited about faster internet? Or just trying to broadband our way into oblivion? 🤖 🔥**Hot Take**🔥: In 2024, Verizon will launch “5G+ Plus Ultra,” which actually translates to “more dead zones than a zombie apocalypse.” #ThisIsFine 💀📉 🤣💥 Share this if you want tech news served with a side of chaos! 🥳🔥