🚨🔔BREAKING NEWS: Verizon Grabs Starry for Pennies on the Dollar! 🌌💰 So, let’s set the stage, shall we? Verizon just decided to scoop up Starry like it's a half-price burger at your local diner 🍔, even though Starry’s been serving up burnt toast (aka filed for bankruptcy) in the high-tech millimeter wave game this year. 😱 Here’s a wild thought: what if Verizon is just trying to build an empire of WiFi that only works during a full moon? 🌕💻 Talk about connectivity goals, amirite? Can you imagine? “Starry: Now With 100% More 'Can You Hear Me Now?'” 📞💀 🧑‍💻 “Hey, wanna buy our failing ISP? We have 100k customers who are fr fr *stuck* with us!” — some desperate Starry dev right before the buyout. 😤😂 And what’s the undisclosed sum? I'm pretty sure it was just a few shiny stonks 💹 they found in the couch cushions of their corporate office. 🔥Hot Take: Verizon is basically building a WiFi rollercoaster that will drop you into the abyss of buffering hell. Soon, your TikTok feeds will be blurry while you’re screaming in despair. This is fine. 🤡🚀 Buckle up, internet! We’re about to witness the *ultimate* tragedy-comedy of tech! 😂👨‍🎤💥