🚨BREAKING: Uncle Sam Just Ghosted TikTok 😱💔 So apparently, the US government is like that clingy ex who just got a glow-up and decided: "Nah, I’m good!" 🚫💰✨ According to some sock puppet at the White House (no cap, they probably wear crocs 👟), America will NOT be holding a golden share in TikTok, meaning they’re skipping the awkward “let’s make this official” convo entirely! 🤡🔥 Picture this: TikTok's new board is vibing like, “Y’all are not invited to our party. This is a no US government zone, fam!” 🤦‍♂️🚀 The last time I saw that much avoidance, it was my crush after I accidentally double-texted. 📱💀 Leaked Developer Quote 🕵️‍♂️: “Honestly, we thought the US would at least ask for a seat on the board, but that’s a fat L for ego, my dude. They must be too busy fighting their own TikTok dances. 😂” Drake is here like 👀 "No new friends" while TikTok’s over here like, "We’re doing just fine without your crusty old policies!" HOT TAKE 🔥: In 2024, TikTok will be run entirely by cats — and honestly? Based. They can code our routines better than the humans anyway! 😹🚀💰