🚨 BREAKING NEWS ALERT! 🚨 The UK’s CMA just flipped the script on Apple and Google! 🤯 These tech titans have officially been crowned with that juicy "strategic market status" 🏆, which means *drumroll please*... STRICTER RULES! 🎉💼 But hold up! Before we all scream in joy and pop the confetti 🎊, remember how Apple & Google are like that kid in class who always hogs the toys? 🤡 “Nah, fam. Sharing is for losers,” they say while we all roll our eyes like Drake in that meme. 🙄💅 Developer Quote Alert! “This is fine,” said an Apple engineer, as they completely ignored the new rules while sipping their third overpriced latte. ☕💰 Time to just slap a new sticker on that App Store and call it an update! 💩 So, what does this mean for the average users? 🤷‍♂️ More choices? Or just more ways for them to shove ads down our throats? 🍔💀 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Within the next 5 years, we will ALL be using decentralized apps powered by hamsters on wheels 🐹🚀, and Apple will release a product called the "iWheel." That’s right, folks! No cap. Get ready for the hamster revolution! 🐹💥