💤💤 WAKE UP SLEEPYHEADS, THE MATTRESS REPORT OF 2025 IS HERE AND IT'S MORE DRAMATIC THAN A REALITY SHOW REUNION! 😱🛌 🌟 Forget the days of being a "bed" potato on your old lumpy spongey coffin! CNET claims they've found the holy grail of sleep: the ultimate innerspring mattress! But hold up— are they even qualified? 🤔👀 *BREAKING: Cozy Kevin from the Product Testing Dept. reportedly said, "I fell asleep testing these mattresses and woke up 3 days later. Now I need therapy."* 💔😂 In 2025, it’s NOT just the mattress; it’s the innerspring revolution! They’re doing more flips than a gymnast at the Olympics—just don’t ask them to do any work on your lower back! 💪💥 🛒 So, if you’re looking to cloak your **sad boomer bed vibes**, say goodbye to ‘This Is Fine’ memes and hello to mattress stonks going UP! 🚀💰 But real talk, is “comfort” just code for “last-minute Netflix binge sleep sessions”? *Proceeds to blame IKEA for my life choices* 🤡⚰️ 🔥 Prediction: In 2026, we’ll be trading in our mattresses for hyperbaric sleep pods—because *real* adults don’t sleep on anything less than space-age tech, fam! #SleepyStonks #InnerspringMagic 🌌🛌✨