🚨🍏 *BREAKING NEWS: iPhone 17 is upon us, and it’s about to knock your socks off, fam!* 🙌💥 Rumor has it Apple’s CEO Tim “I don’t sleep” Cook is prepped to step on stage today at 1 PM ET and bless us with the new iPhone 17 lineup. 🤖✨ And no, it’s not just another “Slightly Less Cringe than Last Year" upgrade. 🤡🔥 You already know Engadget is gonna be live blogging this monumental moment like it’s the Super Bowl for tech nerds. 🏟️💻 Get your popcorn ready, 'cause if you blink, you might miss the new *43* camera lenses 📸 that are probably just for flexing on social media. Score a few *stonks* for those pics, right? 💰📈 💡💀 *Leaked Developer Quotes:* “We spent 3 years developing… a new color for the iPhone 17 case.” — *Some Dude in Cupertino* Also, “iOS 26 features? Bro, you mean it’s still gonna crash on launch day?!” — *Another Victim of the Update* Expect the usual suspects: the *mind-blowing* featureless feature, and oh wait, something about **better battery life** (because who doesn’t need another reason to avoid real life?). 🌌💔 🌊 But the hottest tea is that Apple is about to unveil an *AI Assistant that gives you life advice* (spoiler: it’s just gonna say “Buy more Apple products”). 🤖☕💬 🔥 So here’s the hot take: In 2024, the iPhone 18 is gonna be *literally made of gold* to justify the price tag. *No cap.* 💸🤯 Share and let the chaos begin!