🚀💀 Welcome to the **STARTUP SH*TSHOW** where the U.S. government is playing a game of *who's my daddy* with startups, and nobody knows who’s adopting who! 🤡💰 So, picture this: you launch a startup, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to disrupt your way to a billion-dollar valuation. But wait! Uncle Sam just pulled up in a government-funded minivan and said, "Hey, son, can I get a piece of that equity pie?" 🍰 Meanwhile, you're like Drake pointing at your equity plans saying "NOPE!" because the last time the gubb'ment touched anything tech-related we got *HealthCare.gov*, and that was an absolute clown fiesta! 🤡🔥 Equity co-hosts Anthony, Kirsten, and Max are out here like, "This is fine," while trying to explain how startups need to *navigate* this treacherous relationship. What is it, a romantic comedy? 💔💼 No cap, startups are now asking themselves if government contracts are a blessing or a curse while seething in their overpriced co-working spaces. 😤💸 **Leaked Developer Quote:** "Honestly, I thought building an app was hard. I didn’t realize I’d need a degree in political science too! 🤖🎓" 🔥🔥 *Hot Take:* By 2025, every startup might have to include a *'How to Politically Navigate vs. Being a Tech Bro'* course in their onboarding. If you're not code-switching like a pro, you're DOA! 🤯💥 #StonksOrStonks?