🎉🚨 BREAKING NEWS: SLOW HORSES? MORE LIKE SLOW SHOWS! 🐎💤 Apple TV riding that gravy train like, "Why stop the snooze-fest? Let's serve up another Mick Herron drama!" 🤡💀 *Yawn* Say hello to "Down Cemetery Road" – because clearly, we needed more existential dread in our lives after fighting our way through season 5 of Slow Horses. Seriously, Apple, which intern wrote this PR? 😂 With Ruth Wilson and Emma Thompson on the case, you're probably thinking, "This is gonna be fire!" 🔥 But wait… it's about a missing girl and an explosion in a house? What’s next, a murder mystery at a puppy party? 🐶🔍 *Imaginary Developer Quote*: "We thought the best way to keep people subscribed is to just keep throwing darts at a board labeled 'Crime Drama' and see what sticks. No cap." 🎯🤖 Look, Apple, we get it – you want to keep subscribers hooked. But at this point, you're like that one friend who keeps ordering avocado toast and lectures us about wellness at brunch. 🤦‍♂️ So here's the hot take: In 2025, *every* Apple TV show will just be a mashup of all their previous shows, starring AI-generated characters arguing about which season was better. Prepare for "Slow Horses 5: Mules in Space" 🌌🚀! Don't sleep on it, fam! 😉💰