🚨ATTENTION, INTERNET FAM!🚨 It’s happening – Amazon has declared WAR on your free-loading. The legendary Amazon Prime shared shipping we’ve all been milking like a dairy cow is officially OVER as of Oct 1! ☠️💀 That's right, you heard me! If you're riding the coattails of your buddy’s Prime, it’s time to pay up or seethe in despair! 😱💸 Some musty old customer service page spilled the beans (or was it Bezos's personal therapist 🙅‍♂️?), but the *Legend of the Prime Invitee* is ancient history. Enter the cringe new era of Amazon Family – because, of course, if you want to save a few bucks, you need to tie the knot now! 👰‍♂️👨‍❤️‍👨 What’s next, Amazon Marriage Certificates? 🥴🔔 Developer quote leak: "Honestly, we just want to make extra bagel money. Like, who needs family when you’ve got Prime?" – Anonymous Bezos Acolyte 🙈 So what does this mean? You better pull a Hail Mary and cozy up with those roomies or brace yourself for another subscription. 🤑🔥 **Unhinged Prediction Alert**: In three years, Bezos will introduce *Amazon Prime Animal Edition* 🦜 where your pet can become a family member and share shipping discounts. This is just a calculated move to get more pets on your Prime account, fam! You’ll hear it here FIRST! 👽🚀💰 #FurReal #Stonks