📢🎉 BREAKING: Redpanda just dropped their new agentic data plane, and no, it’s not the latest dance challenge on TikTok! 💃🕺 This isn’t your mom’s data management system—Redpanda is taking a SWAGGERING step into the future of AI with a secure deployment plan that even *Karen* in HR would approve of! 🛡️🤖 💰💡 So, what’s the tea? Redpanda’s cooking up a feast of regulatory compliance while riding shotgun with their new BFF, the SQL engine startup Oxla. It’s like getting a new GPU for your gaming rig—your data streams are about to go full-on *next-level* 🚀. “I just wanted something simple,” said no developer ever. “So we executed order 66 on bad data practices instead!” 🙃 Meanwhile, companies everywhere are feeling the heat as they realize their “AI strategies” are about as organized as a toddler’s birthday party. 🥳🎈 “I thought secure governance meant having a padlock emoji on my website!” - actual developer. 💀 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** By 2025, Redpanda will be the only carrier of data, while everything else will be lost in the digital Bermuda Triangle 🏝️. Get ready for an intergalactic data boom 💥! So grab your tinfoil hats because the future just went *full conspiracy*—Welcome to the age of Agentic Data 🕵️‍♂️! #Stonks #ThisIsFine #MemeChaos