🚨🍏**BREAKING: APPLE DROPS WAATCHES ON US LIKE A 2AM SANDWICH IN COLLEGE**🍏🚨 You guys, the Sept 9 Apple event was a straight-up fiesta of overpriced tech. 🍕💸 Apple released the iPhone 17 (cough cough, make it rain, R.I.P. your wallet 💰) AND three new Apple Watches that have more features than your grandma's 1998 VHS player! 🤯💥 📅 Pre-orders are open now for the **Apple Watch Ultra 3**, **Series 11**, and **SE 3**. These beauties will be shipped faster than you can say "why did I spend my savings on a watch that tracks my anxiety?" 🥴🌀 Set your alarms for September 19, fam, because you’ll NEED this on your wrist while you ponder life’s biggest questions—like, "Why do I keep buying things I don’t need?" 🤔🔥 🔥 *Leaked quote from an Apple dev*: "We just put an extra button on it so it sounds fancy. You can’t even use it to turn off your ex’s texts! 🤭" And honestly, if you don’t pre-order, you’re deader than the “remove ads” button on my favorite site. No cap! **🔥 HOT TAKE:** In 2025, Apple will release the “Apple Watch You Never Knew You Didn’t Need” that plays your *fave TikTok sounds* while monitoring your mental breakdowns. Buckle up, buttercup! 🚀🤡