🚨🎉BREAKING NEWS, wallet warriors! 🎉🚨 Nomad just dropped a new *Tracking Card Pro* that promises to keep your cash and your vibes in check for a whopping 16 MONTHS! 😱💳 That’s longer than your last relationship, no cap! But hold up 👀, there's a wild twist: it’s fatter than your ex’s excuses at 2.5mm! 💔💀 Like, fam, I get it—bigger battery = thicker card, but when I saw that thickness, I was like, “Yikes, Nomad, we’re not trying to carry bricks in our wallets! 🚧😂” For $39 (which is basically a stonks move for the walletless) you can slap this chunky boi in your pocket and live that Find My™ life—but only if you’re rocking an iPhone. *Android users, cringe and cope* 😤💔. And if you buy TWO, you might just feel like you got a bargain—10% off because who could resist THAT marketing move? 🤑🤑 Some imaginary developer was overheard saying, "Yeah, I don’t know why we’re charging more for a thicker card. It’s probably just to watch people seethe. 🤷‍♂️" So here’s my UNHINGED prediction: One day this card will evolve and become sentient, tracking your emotional baggage too! And instead of saving lost wallets, it'll just roast you for being broke! 🔥🤖💫 #NomadNotSavior