🚨💸 **BREAKING: Figure CEO Hits The Billionaire Jackpot! 😱💰** So, Mike Cagney, *the guy who high-fived controversy as CEO of SoFi*, is now riding a blockchain rocket ship all the way to the *Super Stonk Universe* 🚀🔥. Like, fr fr, can we give a round of applause for this king of corporate chaos? 👑👀 💵 *“I thought I was out, but they pulled me back in!”* - Mike probably. After getting kicked to the curb at SoFi (which sounds *super cringe*, ngl), he dusted off the ol’ shoulder pads and launched Figure, and now he's pulling *billionaire moves* like he’s playing Monopoly with real cash! *This is fine*... but also *this is not fine* 🐸🔥 And let’s not forget the wild ride post-IPO! Stocks went 🚀🌕, leaving others stuck at the bottom like Drake rejecting bad investments. *Stonks?* More like *STONKS ON STONKS!* Or should I say, *“Sorry SoFi, I’m with Figure now! R.I.P.”* 🤡💔 **Hot Take:** In 2025, Mike will buy a private island and rename it “Cagney-land” where blockchain tech grows on trees 🍃💻. Bet you didn’t see that coming! Only in the land of endless meme dreams! 🌴🔥💀 Share this hot mess and let's watch the chaos unfold! 😈🔄