🚨✨BREAKING NEWS: Meta’s latest master plan – TEEN ACCOUNTS are going GLOBAL, folks! 🌎🧑‍🎤💥 👀 So, after getting grilled harder than a burger at a BBQ by U.S. lawmakers 🍔, Zuck and Co. decided to softly drop these *kinda* protective accounts like they’re some magical fairy dust. 🧚‍♂️💨 “Let’s keep the kiddos safe!” said no one at Meta, ever. 😅 But hey, they realized if they set some boundaries, it could turn their 13-17yr old user base into THE ULTIMATE STONKS machine! 📈💰 #RichKidVibes Leaked developer quote: “So we gave teens a safe way to share selfies 🤳 but don’t worry, we’re still tracking their every move like it’s some weird 007 movie. Cope, seethe, and swipe right, little ones!” 😂💀 Drake says “Nah” to privacy, and Zuck says “Yasss!” 🙌💵. Meanwhile, every teen’s bio now reads: "Living my best life in a digital cage!" 🔒🤡 Is it cringe? Yes. Is it based? Also yes. Prediction alert 🚀: In 5 years, teenagers will be paying for a subscription to hear less ads, and Meta will just slide into our DMs like "How much for your soul?" 😈💀 #ThisIsFine Share this chaos with your homies and embrace the meme madness! 🌌🔥