🚨🔥 LISTEN UP, YOU TECH HUSTLERS! 🔥🚨 TechCrunch Disrupt 2025 is coming in HOT, and you’ve got less than 48 hours to claim your EXHIBIT TABLE or watch your stonks 💰💥 plummet harder than your investment in Blockbuster from the comfort of your mom’s basement! 😂👩‍💻 I asked a “developer” 🤖 about this, and they whispered: “The only thing more tragic than missing out is explaining to my dog why I didn’t secure a table.” 🐶💔 Cope and seethe, my friends! 🚀 But wait—this is your chance to unleash your INNER GALAXY BRAIN! 🧠✨ Will you be the one drowning in the success of networking like a boss or sitting sad like *this is fine* dog? 🐶🔥 #FOMO, am I right? Drake be like: “I’m sorry, but no table? Pfft, cringe.” 🤢 If you ain’t dishing out those booth dollars, then you’re just an NPC in the game of tech! 🤡💀 So muster up that courage and lock it down, or the only table you’ll be sitting at is the one where you cry over stale memes and missed opportunities! 🤣💀 And by the way, my totally unhinged prediction? ✨ In 2026, they’ll turn TechCrunch Disrupt into a reality show. It’ll be called “Survivor: Silicon Valley!” 🤯 You heard it here first! 📅🔥