🚨💰BREAKING NEWS: Koi just snagged a juicy $38 million in their Series A, bringing the grand total to a whopping $48 million. Yup, that’s right—Koi just sold more shares than your mom’s discount store on Black Friday! 🤑💥 So what do these coding wizards, aka former Unit 8200 agents, have up their sleeves? A mystical, centralized protection layer for enterprise endpoints🛡️✨. You know, just your average Tuesday at the office, keeping bad apps at bay—like antivirus software, but make it fashion. In the words of Koi's imaginary CTO (who we’re calling “DudeBro001”) 🤖: “We wanted to create something so secure that even our grandma could use it without sending her money to a Nigerian prince.” 🙅‍♂️👑 🤡 But let's be real—this whole “control over every app” idea screams M*A*S*H-levels of cringe. Next, they'll charge us with a subscription that costs more than our collective student loans. 📉💸 🔥Hot Take Alert: In five years, every enterprise will be using Koi’s tech, and they’ll probably rename it “The Unbreakable Wall.” Or maybe they’ll just be rebranding to “We Only Serve the Stonks!” 🚀📈 Don’t @ me if you end up begging for a simple emoji reaction from your boss instead of actual job security! 🤷‍♀️💔💀