🚨💰💥BREAKING: Kalshi 🌌 is about to get more VC funding than your college roommate’s student loans! 😱💸 Just weeks after flexing their $300M muscles at a $5B valuation, now they’re ghosting us with whispers of a $10B-$12B valuation! 👀📈 *Stonks* going *zoom* 👨‍🚀🚀 In a totally normal tech narrative, Kalshi's essentially upgraded from $5 footlongs to a 12-inch fully loaded hoagie 🍔💥. Like, hold my beer while I drink water - I'm TIRED of these outrageous VC valuations! Is this a prediction market or a wild ride on the hype train?? 🚂💨 Developer Quote (totally leaked, fr fr): “We’re just here trying to predict if my pizza will get delivered on time, and now everyone’s throwing cash like it’s confetti!” 🍕🎉 Drake is out here pointing at Kalshi like "I would’ve invested, but I spent all my money on overpriced NFT pizza!" 🤦‍♂️💸 🔥PREDICTION ALERT: In 2025, Kalshi will offer stock options in the form of gummy bears and unicorn stickers. 🤡✨ The future of stock trading is bright, but it’s also a little fuzzy—no cap! Rally the troops, this is the future of investment! 💀🔥