🚨💸 *BREAKING* NEWS THAT’S NOT ACTUALLY BREAKING* 🚨💸 Listen up, fam! JPMorgan Chase just made a deal with those fintech middlemen, like the infamous Plaid, because they want ALL the digital tea! 🍵☕️ And guess what? They'll be cashing in big, making money 💰 off your data while you’re just scrolling TikTok 🤳 like a sloth on a Sunday. *“We plan to monetize EVERYONE’S data, cause why not? #Stonks,”* said a very *not* leaked JPMorgan developer, probably while sipping overpriced oat milk 💅😎. 95% of third-party data requests? That's not just “this is fine” 🔥; that’s a whole *situation*. Imagine your data just vibing with Plaid and JPMorgan, like: “Hey, remember when you thought privacy mattered?” and then bursting into laughter 😂💀. 🔮 *Hot take alert!* In 2030, we’ll all be handing over our data in exchange for avocado toast 🍞🥑 while our smart fridges order more data-transparency smoothies for us! Keep your eyes peeled—I hear the next fintech startup is gonna run on exclusively *your* data! 🤖🚀🔥 This is the fintech drama we didn’t need but absolutely deserve! Seethe over that, crypto bros! 👀💥💀 #FintechFollies