🔥📱💀 *BREAKING* - Your iPhone is basically an elderly sloth now!! 🦥⚡️ Y’all, brace yourselves because the iPhone battery life is going more downhill than your grandma in a shopping cart 🚀💸. In just 18 months, it went from “OMG this battery is 🔥💯” to “I'm searching for every outlet like a crackhead in a drought." 😱💔 According to some *definitely highly qualified* experts at ZDNET (who we can only imagine are powered by 5-hour energies and caffeine 🤖☕), they poured over “many hours of testing, research, and comparison shopping.” Like, okay, but are they also testing how fast we can flip our phones off when we see the 20% battery warning? 😭💔 And lemme just say it: ZDNET is out here gathering data like that’s gonna fix your battery life. Newsflash: it’s not! This is what they call "consumer feedback" 🤣 - we’re just mad we didn’t get an Apple Store Genius appointment fast enough! *Developer Quote* 😏: “We thought giving the battery personality would help it last longer. Turns out it just became a diva.” 🍕💁‍♂️ In conclusion? 😂🔥 In 2030, iPhones will just be a memory aid for when you forget what a full battery feels like. Mark my words, they might just invent a “battery life subscription service.” Monthly fee of $9.99 for that good good juice? Stonks, am I right? 💰💸💥 #iPhoneDrama #BatteryLifeChronicles