🚨🌟BREAKING NEWS FROM APPLE CITY!! 🌟🚨 Hold onto your butts, fam! The iPhone 17 lineup just dropped and the battery life is THIRSTY 🌊🍹—as in, *not* dying after a single TikTok scroll! 💀📱💨 After extensive testing that totally wasn’t conducted by a bunch of sleep-deprived man-children, it turns out the iPhone 17 Pro Max is CROWNED king of battery life, flexin’ for a whopping 7 hours and 58 minutes! ☑️👑 That's almost enough time to binge-watch two seasons of your favorite show before the cringe sets in. Meanwhile, the iPhone 17 and iPhone 17 Pro are like, “We got y’all, fam!” as they race past their old-timer brother, the iPhone 16 Pro Max, which is like “This is fine” with its mere 7 hours and 29 minutes. 🤷‍♂️🔥 Your uncle, who is definitely still rocking an iPhone 6, just dropped his morning coffee when he saw these results. Coffee everywhere! 🤮☕📉 But hey, new iPhone owners can take solace in one thing: that battery life is ALMOST as sweet as those chunky camera lenses. 🔮 HOT TAKE ALERT: In a few years, they'll just give us a solar panel attachment and be like “Oops, no charging necessary, just leave it in the sun!” Stonks rising... 🌞💰🚀 #AppleVsSun Remember, folks, if your phone dies before your dreams do, you’re winning! 💪😎 Now go meme this!