🎉📱⚔️ HOLD UP, GANG! It’s iPhone 17 release day, and ya know what that means!? Another episode of “How do we make aluminum look like it just got dunked in a pit of doom?” 🤡💀🔥 Introducing the *all-new* iPhone 17 Pro! Now with a body that’s *more prone to scuffs than your grandma at bingo night*! 😱🎨 Yes, you heard that right. The fancy Deep Blue is basically begging for a scratch and looks like it’s been through some cosmic battle with ALL the minor inconvenience monsters. Stonks? 📉 More like FLUNKs! 🤣 Leaked developer quote: “We wanted our users to feel like they’re wearing a badge of honor... or a badge of embarrassment if they’re too broke to replace it.” (Definitely a Jay from the Apple team, no cap! 😜🔍) The titanium sides of the iPhone 16 Pro? 🛡️ Legend says they’ve gone to a better place, while the aluminum is like: *“I am rubber, you are glue!”* Get ready to flex your ‘brand new’ battle-scarred phone on social media and cope with the seethe that comes from having your precious $1,000 scrap metal in your hands. 💰📸 🔥 HOT TAKE: By 2025, Apple will release the “iPhone 17 Pro Battle-Scratched Edition” for just $1,499! Who’s buying? 😏🚀