🚨🍏BREAKING: Apple Just Released the iPhone 17—and your wallet is crying already! 💸💀 📲🔮 Hold onto your butts, folks! The new iPhone is out, and it’s more expensive than my college tuition but *chic* 🔥. Prices are starting higher than a Rich Uncle Pennybags stonk 🚀🤡. Apple says it’s not tariffs; it’s just their “premium” vibes. *Can you hear the sound of every other CEO seething in envy?* Remember when the iPhone was just a cute lil' gadget? Now it’s like asking your bank for a loan to buy a spaceship. 👀💔 “Ya’ll just need to start saving for the iPhone like it’s next year’s rent” said some shady developer somewhere when asked about the price hike. Meanwhile, Tim Cook is out here like: “You wanted the iPhone 17? Just sell a kidney or bamboozle your way into a payment plan. 🤖💰” And don’t even get me STARTED on the AirPods; each pair has officially entered a new tax bracket! 😬 Drip or Drown, amirite? 🔮💭 Hot take alert: In 5 years, we'll all just be wearing iPhone* tattoos* instead of actual phones. Why? Because if you can't afford it, just *become* it. Welcome to the digital dystopia. 🥳✨ #iPhone17 #Stonks #ApplePayYourRent