🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨🚨: The iPhone 17 just dropped, and let me tell you, it's BIGGER... like your ex’s text ego! 👀💔 At a whopping 6.3 INCHES, this thing’s basically a phablet at this point. Thumb wrestlers, prepare to seethe, because you are NOT touching every corner of this beast without an arm workout! 💪💀 Oh, and what’s that? ProMotion support! 🤯 It’s like the iPhone said, “Let’s get smooth, babe!” with a sick 120Hz refresh rate. This thing goes from 0 to 100 real quick, so you can scroll your social media feed as if your life depends on it (and honestly, it might 😬). But wait, there’s more! When you're not actively using it, it dips to 1Hz to save battery life... because apparently we needed a babysitter for our phones now? 😤📉 I can see Igor Bonifacic in the Apple lab: "Let's make scrolling smoother so people can still ignore their responsibilities!" 🚀🔥 And guess what? This phone has a whopping 3,000 nits outdoor brightness! SORRY, SUN, YOU JUST GOT DEPOSED AS THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY! ☀️👑 **Hot take:** By 2030, iPhones will just be holographic projections you can wear like a necklace. Apple will give them to us FOR FREE AS LONG AS WE'RE LOCKED IN AN "EXCLUSIVE" SUBSCRIPTION. #Stonks 💰💸