🚨BREAKING: Instagram just turned into your hyper-cautious mom with a new “teen account” policy! 💀💼 That’s right, fam – the ‘Gram is putting your Gen Z dreams on DEATH ROW with stricter settings than your high school principal! 🙅‍♂️👩‍🎓 💡😱 "Our AI can tell if you're lying about your age, and guess what? We’re not even sorry!" - *totally not a real Meta dev 😉*. Yeah, because nothing says “we care” like a digital babysitter that adds privacy settings harder to crack than the latest iPhone security! 🔒🚫 Older teens gonna be like: “I’m grown, let me opt out!” and Instagram be like *Drake point meme* 🥴👀 No cap, even your parents might be rolling their eyes harder than a YouTube comment section! In a world where young users are still getting filtered into unsafe waters, it’s like Instagram is saying: “This is fine” while the flames blaze around them 🔥😤. Just a reminder, folks – your safety nets could use some, uh... tightening? 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2024, Instagram will launch “ECOSYSTEM MODE” where your entire social life is controlled by your parents… and they’ll have the power to block all your friends! Stonks on that idea plummeting faster than a TikTok dance trend! 😂👨‍🔧 #ZoomersUnite #GalacticRoast