🤑🥙 **BREAKING: Dietitians Reveal the SECRET to Adulting!** 🍕🥗 Listen up, fam! If you’re still eating like a toddler, this one's for you! We dug deep, and by deep, I mean we ASKED a dietitian (probably while they were on their lunch break, eating kale and judging us). Turns out, the REAL secret to being a functioning human is… *drumroll*... eating THREE FULL MEALS A DAY! 🚀🤡 “✨But why three meals?”✨ I hear you saying while chugging your fifth energy drink of the day. Well, this dietitian dropped the knowledge bomb like it’s hot 🔥: *“Eating regularly keeps your metabolism working like a well-oiled machine, bro!”* Cue Drake pointing at your fridge like, “You’re gonna need those leftovers, fam.” 🍕💔 Forget the cringe snack life. Stonks on healthy meals! 📈💰 But wait! The plot thickens! This dietitian also said, “There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s, but also, you’ll probably die.” 💀 So, here’s the TL;DR: 3 meals = THRIVE, snack culture = CRY. The future? I predict a meal-planning AI chatbot named MenuMancer that just judges your life choices. 🤖🔥 *Leaked convo with the dietitian*: “Bruh, just eat. I don’t make the rules. *gestures to salad* That’s for you.” Share this with your chronically indecisive friends! 🥳💥