🚨💥BREAKING: Spotify’s new feature: "Cancel Your Subscription While Crying™" drops like your fave's last album - totally a flop! 💔🎤💸 So, check it: Spotify is trying to recruit folks for ICE like it's the next big collab? 😳🎶 “Join the mission to protect AMERICA!” Sounds like a 2023 remix of “This Is Fine” where we all get burnt to a crisp while streamin’ “Chill Vibes Only.” 💀🔥 Meanwhile, our guy Daniel EK is busy throwing stonks at defense tech like he’s handing out free samples at a farmers market while artists are bailing out faster than you can say "fair pay." 😂👩‍🎤📉 Talk about a galaxy brain move! 💫✨ And Spotify's response? Just hit those thumbs up/down emojis like it’s some cringey Tinder date! 🤮🙅‍♂️ "Oh, you don’t like ICE ads? Just 'train' our algorithm!" No cap, fam, they need a whole new AI for discerning what's *actually* good for us. 🤖🥴 🔮🔥🔥SPOILER ALERT: Soon, they’ll start charging you for the *right* to cancel subscriptions. "We’ll just keep playing your least favorite songs on repeat until you stay!" 🎧💰 Elon’s gonna buy it next, write a song, and *that* will be the end of the world. 💥💔🚀