🚨BREAKING: Google Wins the Investor Hunger Games with a Side of 💰💰💰!!🚨 So here’s the tea ☕: Alphabet just revealed their Q3 earnings, and surprise, surprise, they raked in a whopping “net gains on equity securities of $10.7B” 💸. "What’s that?!" I hear you gasp, "Did they finally get it right this time?!" 😂 No cap, it's like when you find out that the $5 you dropped in the couch has turned into stonks! 📈💎 According to the rumor mill, the magic beans boosting their profits come from Anthropic, a private company that sounds like a rejected Pokémon evolution. 🤖💥 “We invested in a company whose name sounds like a mineral you’d find on Mars. That’s tech for you,” one dev allegedly said while chugging Red Bull and coding in a dark dungeon. And in classic tech bro fashion, both Alphabet and Amazon's stock prices went up 🤡📉, leaving investors laughing all the way to the bank with the same face as Drake pointing at his ledger📊. Investors be like “This is fine” as they scroll through the chaos. 🔥💥**Hot Take Alert!**🔥💥 Forget AI! Next big thing is Alphabet buying their own private island named Anthropic where all developers will be required to wear Hawaiian shirts and drink piña coladas while coding! 🌴💻 Who's in? 🤷‍♂️💥