🚨 HOLY TECH, BATMAN! 🚨 Gloo, the AI toolmakers for churches, are trying to hit the IPO jackpot with a heavenly $873.4M valuation! 😇💸 First off, who gave these tech bros the holy water? 🚀 It’s like if Intel and a pastor had a baby, and that baby decided to sell prayer apps with pixelated cherubs! 😱💻🔥 In a world where tech should be disrupting the stock market, here we are with the church choir coding their way to stonks paradise! 💰🌈 And we all know Gloo’s secret sauce: take the holy script, sprinkle some AI, and boom—now your church can *definitely* send out not-so-subtle “give me your money” notifications on your phone! 📲💀 Meanwhile, Pat Gelsinger (ex-Intel, current angel investor), is out there like “This is fine” while he prepares for the inevitable crypto backlash. 🤡💩 Leaked developer quote: “We’re trying to make prayer efficient… so basically, we’re like Nike, but for Jesus.” 🤷‍♂️ But here’s the kicker: I predict Gloo’s IPO will crash harder than that bloated church potluck casserole! 🚨💥 The church of tech cash ain’t nothing but a grind! 📉👇 Share if you think this is the best meme material since TikTok discovered the “This is fine” dog! 🐶🔥