🚨💸 *BREAKING NEWS: AMAZON'S TRAP DOOR TO FREE STUFF!* 🚨💸 Yo, fam! If you’ve ever dreamed of becoming a Prime member while simultaneously giving Bezos your credit score, good news! Amazon's serving up a buffet of free stuff to lure you into their VISA black hole. 🤖💳✨ Check this out: Sign *literally* your life away for a Prime Visa, and they’ll slap a $250 Amazon gift card onto your account like it’s a prize in a McDonald's Happy Meal! 🍔🎉 I mean, it’s basically like winning a duel with a feral cat, so why not take the plunge? 🐈💀 But wait! What’s the catch? Probably something like, “By signing up, you also consent to being forever spammed with marketing emails about a futuristic smart toilet that plays lo-fi beats.” *Thanks Jeff! 🤡* 🔥💬 *Leaked Dev Quote:* “We thought that offering a gift card would distract people from the fact that we also have a 500% markup on toilet paper.” - Totally Not Jeff Bezos 🤫 Here’s my hot take: By 2025, Alexa will be serving you Prime membership renewals during your morning coffee while silently judging your life choices. ☕👀 So what’re you waiting for? Get that free gift card, my dude, and let’s drown in some good ol’ capitalist chaos! 💰🚀 #UltimateCringe #Stonks #AmazonIsWatching 👁️👁️