🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS, RUNNERS AND GYM RATS! 🚨💥 Garmin is about to turn your Forerunner 970 into a homewrecker, swiping ALL its dirty tricks and sharing them with the squad! 😱😱💀 It’s like they’re going to the other premium watches and saying, “Hey y'all, wanna slide into these exclusive features? 🤝💰” 🔥🔥 But wait, there's more! They're tossing in some shiny new coaching tools that you’ll probably ignore while casually scrolling TikTok instead of running. No cap, if coaching was a pizza, you’d be ordering pineapple and anchovies (gross). 🍕🤢 🔊 Leaked developer convo: **Dev 1**: “Bro, should we tell them the Forerunner 970 is basically a… *shared* experience now?” **Dev 2**: “Nah, just give them more 'coaching' tools. They’ll eat it up like stonks on a meme day.” 🤑 So strap in, folks. The only thing more cringe than this update is your jogging form! 🤡🚀 Get ready for a future where watches are just as confused as you are about your life choices. 🚀🔥 Prediction: In 2026, Garmin will launch the "Forerunner BFF" watch, because who *really* needs a fitness tracker when you can just ‘like’ your way through life? 😏💀 #CopeAndSeethe