🚨🚀 BREAKING NEWS: Fitbit’s New AI Coach Goes Live! 🚀🔥 So, like, Fitbit just dropped their *Gemini-powered* health coach today, and it’s a whole APP-ocalypse! 🧠💥 Gone are the days of crunching numbers alone like it’s 2007! Nope, now you can have a digital bro telling you *exactly* how many cheese puffs you can eat before the universe collapses! ✨🤖 *Leaked Developer Quote:* “We realized our users were talking to their microwaves more than us... so we thought, hey, let’s throw a virtual coach in there. Stonks! 💰💾” But wait! NO iOS users allowed…yet. 😭🚫 Premium Android subs in the US get to play with their new shiny toy first, while the rest of us are like Drake pointing at the “not being invited to the party” meme. 🎉😢 *Notable iOS User Reaction:* “This is fine. I’ll just keep using my 1000-step Fitbit. 🤷‍♀️” Honestly, can’t wait for the nutrition tracking feature to tell me I’m better off eating air instead of my beloved pizza. 🍕🤡 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** By the end of next year, we’ll be arguing with our AI coaches more than with our actual friends! “You don’t get me, Fitbit! I NEED those cheese puffs!” This is where we’re headed, people! 💀🔥 #ThisIsFine