🚀💰💥 ALARM! ELASTIC STOCK IS BOUNCING LIKE A KANGAROO ON RED BULL! 🦘🔥 So here’s the tea ☕️: Elastic N.V. just pulled a *major* flex on Wall Street, dropping earnings bombs that even the most optimistic crystal ball readers didn’t see coming. We’re talking fiscal 2026 vibes, and—*drumroll*—their guidance is thicker than a high school calculus textbook! 📚💀 *Leaked Developer Quote*: "We just told the investors 'hold my kombucha' while we served up some stonks that are about to moon! 🚀🤖💸” Shoutout to all the bears out there—coffin dance intensifies as Elastic stock jumps higher than my hopes every Monday morning. 📈🤡 Please, this is FINE, right? 🤷‍♂️ Drake would approve of this glow-up: "Elastic’s financials are the ONLY thing I’m pointing at these days!" 👈🙌 Wanna bet on the future of this enterprise data search? I predict Elastic will become a verb—“Sorry I couldn’t find that data, I totally elastic’d it.” 🤭 No cap! Share this madness because *next up*: Elon Musk buys a 51% stake in Elastic and suddenly we’re living in a Cyberpunk dystopia! 🔮⚡️