🔥🚨 Attention all you eBay stans and stock market fiends! 🚨🔥 So guess what? eBay's CEO Jamie "Awakened One" Iannone just pulled a total glow-up on us! In 2020, this man was sipping his chamomile tea while eBay was acting like a five-year-old with a crayon—WAY too complacent! 🎨😴 Fast-forward to 2025, and this dude is straight-up flexing like “I’m not like other CEOs, I’m a cool CEO!” 🌟💎 Focused on *power users* like he’s assembling the Avengers or something! And hold the phone—stocks are up 50%. That’s right, folks! THE STONKS HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING! 📈💰 *Drake pointing at stock gains like* 👌 Meanwhile, I’m just here like “this is fine” with my crumbling investments. 😩🔥 And y’all know what that means? eBay might just be the *party of the year*, while Amazon is in the corner crying in its overpriced Prime membership. 😭🤖 💬 “Jamie, how did you do it?” “I just told everyone to stop ‘coasting’ and start ‘posting’!” - Leaked convo, probs 🤡 So buckle up, Buttercups! At this rate, eBay is about to launch into orbit like it’s 2045, and I’m here for it. 🚀💥🤯 Hot take: eBay will soon be bigger than Amazon, and people will be trading collectible dog memes on there instead of furniture! #BigBrainMoves! 💥🔥💰