📉💔 eBay just dropped a mad diss track on its own future and the beat is fire 🔥🚨! In the rollercoaster of quarterly earnings, they went *up* 9% to $2.82B like, "Look at me, I'm stonks!" 💰📈 But then, BOOM! They forecast a Q4 that’s more disappointing than finding your favorite childhood snack discontinued—profit estimates got Ghosted harder than that ex you thought you’d hit up after 2am (sorry, eBay, you ain’t it) 🤡💀. Meanwhile, GMV was up 10% to $20.1B, and I’m just here trying to figure out how many rare Beanie Babies I can sell to make sense of all this. Like, how are we *still* doing this in 2023? *Drake meme*—"Get these lowball offers outta my face!" 😂🚀 But wait, fam, in *classic eBay style*, their stock just tanked 6% after hours like it accidentally bid on a broken flip phone. Investors be like, “This is fine,” while their savings hit a hard reset 😂🛑. Hot take: If eBay was a Pokémon, it’d be the one that makes you weep when it evolves. Expect a merger with Craigslist next year because why not throw a dumpster fire party? 💥👽 #eBay2024 #ChaoticInvesting