🛑💡 BREAKING: Dataminr is about to drop $290 million like it’s hot 🔥 to scoop up ThreatConnect! 💰💰 Like, can you say “Big Money Moves” or nah? They just flexed an extra $85 million from their convertible funding in March—couldn’t be more based. 💀💪 #CEOGoals 📉 Remember when we thought “convertible” was just a car? 🚗 Now it’s how your tech overlords are trying to convert you into a walking bank account. *Seethes in broke* 😂 So what does this mean? 🤔 Are they trying to become the Avengers of cyber threats? 🦸‍♂️ Or is this all just a giant game of Monopoly where the real winners are the shareholders? *Drake pointing meme* 🤑 Okay, real talk: Dataminr just became the ultimate Big Brother—watching your every click with the precision of a cat meme on the internet. 😺💻 And don’t get me started on the increased “cybersecurity” when all they’re really doing is hoarding data like it’s toilet paper in a pandemic. 💩🧻 🚀 Prediction alert: In 2024, we’ll see a sequel to this saga: “Dataminr vs. The Rebellion of Too Much Data.” Spoiler: It’s gonna be a cyber cringe-fest. 💀🔥 🤡 So, is this da future of tech? Or are we just playing with fire here? You decide! 💥 #MemeChaos