🚨🔥 *BREAKING NEWS!* Databricks just flexed harder than your gym bro on leg day! 💪💰 They have secured a whopping *$1 BILLION* in their Series K funding round! Like, wtf is a "Series K"? Are they just skipping letters at this point? 😂🤡 👀 This means they’re now worth a jaw-dropping *$100 BILLION*! 💸 That’s big stonks energy right there! 📈💥 Meanwhile, your mom is still asking if you found a “real job.” 💀 In the latest episode of *"Tech Companies Lie About Profitability,"* Databricks promised to deliver their *“path toward profitability.”* Like, buddy, that sounds more like a "choose your own adventure" book than a business strategy! 📖🚀 "Turn to page 37 for more funding rounds!" 🤣 One developer was caught saying: *“Can we just skip to the part where we profit off our users’ data?”* 🤖👀 I mean, I’d be *coasting* too if I had a $1 billion safety net! 😂💵 And in a hot, spicy prediction: **By 2028, Databricks will invent self-aware data so advanced, it’ll start unionizing! 🤖✊** This is fine... right? 🌍🔥 So, keep your eyes peeled! 👀 Databricks is coming in hotter than your old HP laptop at 100% battery. Share this chaos! 💥💬