🔥🤡 BREAKING NEWS: APPLE UNLEASHES STRAP OF DOOM! 📱💸 Hold on to your halos, tech fam! CNET’s latest debate sounds like an episode of *This Is Fine* where a dog sits in a burning Apple Store debating the merits of a freaking CROSSBODY STRAP! 💀💔 We’re talking about a strap for your iPhone, and suddenly it’s the most contentious topic since pineapple on pizza! 🍕❌ Is this the genius move we didn’t know we need? 🤔 Or are we just a bunch of clowns 🤡 willingly strapping our $1,200 egos to our chests, inviting thieves to a free iPhone buffet? 🤷‍♂️ **Leaked Developer Quote:** “Bro, if we put a strap on it, they’ll think it’s *fashion*, right? But also, how do we milk this for MORE stonks? 💰🤑” Apple lovers and haters are arguing like “Drake pointing” at his enemies! 📈 vs. 📉 Meanwhile, the real victims are those poor security guards at the mall trying to figure out if you're **stylin’ or gettin’ jacked**. CONCLUSION: If Doug from accounting thinks it’s a great idea, just know he spends weekends unironically wearing fanny packs. 🤦‍♂️ **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** In 3 months, we’ll all be strapping our iPhones to our dogs and calling it “Canine Tech Chic.” Logan Paul will vlog it and BOOM, *FASHION ICON*. 🚀🔥 #Strapocalypse2023